Ö ARSENE!
Goodness knows, the Fiver isn’t trying to downplay Liverpool’s performance in Big Cup on Wednesday. A five-goal haul away in Europe – as part of a show featuring quick breaks, top-corner rakes, back flicks and a juggling act so dainty it would make Lionel Messi look like Charles ‘Charlie’ Charles – is nothing to be sniffed at. But look at it from a Porto perspective: they were comprehensively overpowered by a midfield consisting of Jordan Henderson, gingerly feeling his way back from injury, James Milner, 63, and Georginio Wijnaldum, strolling around with an insouciance so thoroughly Dutch he may as well have been taking occasional sips from a long glass of Advocaat while absent-mindedly picking at a speciality cookie. Maybe a few more shuttle runs in training, that might be an idea. Sérgio Conceição can have that one for free.
Whatever, that result – which followed Tottenham’s stubborn refusal to revert to type in Turin and Manchester City’s mid-yawn evisceration of Basel - has raised the bar for English teams on the continent. So the pressure’s on Arsenal tonight as they travel to northern Sweden for their Euro Vase Round of 512 tie against Östersund. As David versus Goliath ties go, it’s a doozy. Arsenal hail from a city of nearly nine million people; the population of Östersund is only 50,000. Arsenal have been playing in the English top flight since 1919; Östersund only made it to the Allsvenskan for the first time in 2016. And if that doesn’t give you enough of an idea of the historical disparity, consider this: when Arsène Wenger formally took charge of the Gunners on 1 October 1996, Östersund were still 30 days away from formation. Though to be fair, since then, both clubs have lifted exactly the same number of European trophies, so it’s not a total mismatch.
Arsenal will certainly have a few things to think about. Östersund have already beaten Galatasaray and Hertha Berlin on their run to the knockout stage. They’re used to their 4G artificial pitch, and temperatures which could plummet to a tooth-enamel-bothering -20C. And Arsenal must do without superstar signing Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, who is cup-tied for some reason having played for Borussia Dortmund in a totally different competition. Plenty of pre-match excuses there if Wenger wanted them, but the old romantic instead opted for a bit of philosophy as he considered a match-up against a club formed in the month he rocked up at Highbury: “What is great in life is that it can be bigger than your imagination.” Here’s hoping for a story tonight that warms the cockles - and that Wenger has finally learned how to do up his big puffy jerkin, because that zip has proved troublesome in the past.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We did everything to give PSG confidence before Real Madrid … and this is how they thank us!” – After PSG’s defeat in Madrid, Dijon FC – presumably to the delight of their own fans – make light of the 8-0 hiding they got from Neymar and co last month.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Meeting goalkeepers, I saw John Lukic in the big Tesco in Chesterfield a couple of years ago. He was massive” – Ian Martindale.
“In the mid 70’s I used to wave to Ray Clemence each morning, him in his yellow Lotus Esprit on the way to training, me in my duffle coat and pink cold legs walking to primary school. I also met Martin Dobson, the Everton defender when his son was playing our school in a match. I came on as a sub, wondered around in my own dream world for five minutes before being subbed, and so went to marvel at Mr Dobson’s highly spec-ed Ford Capri. As a teenager I have waved V’s at Gary Lineker in his white Toyota Supra” – Patrick Wilkinson.
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Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
The Fiver isn’t very funny,
But the distraction it provides from silently crying in a dark room all by oneself on Valentine’s Day is better than nothing, I guess” – Kim Lightbody.
“Re Tim Woods letter yesterday, Havering is a London Borough and the one responsible for Tony Adams Ray Parlour and Watneys Red Barrel, later renamed John Bull Bitter. Despite the benefits of rebranding neither footballer was renamed. It also means, in Scotland, to talk nonsense” – Jack Mignall.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Kin Lightbody.
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Manchester City, one of the clubs most seriously implicated in the Barry Bennell sexual abuse scandal, have been accused of putting hundreds of boys in danger after it emerged they were warned by one of their own coaches in the late-1970s it was “general knowledge” he was a risk to children.
Not content on playing down the Queen’s Celtic’s chances in Big Cup, Brendan Rodgers reckons Zenit St Petersburg are the favourites to knock Scotland’s finest out of Euro Vase. “I think I have always been a realist and when you look at their investment and level of players they have they will expect to go through,” wooed Rodgers.
Gabriel Jesus is racing – not literally – to be fit for Manchester City’s Carabao Cup final against Arsenal.
Man of the people, Dele Alli, is staying cool about the Spotland pitch before Tottenham’s meeting with Rochdale. “A lot of us grew up playing on worse pitches than that,” he peeped.
Friendlies are about to get a lot more exciting now that the FA has agreed a schmoozing deal with Qatar. “The FA is pleased to commit to this knowledge-sharing partnership,” whooped Greg Clarke.
Erik Lamela, ACTIVATE.
STILL WANT MORE?
Essential reading from Daniel Taylor on Barry Bennell, the predatory Pied Piper who made stars and shattered lives.
Daniel also has an exclusive interview with Gary Cliffe, the former Manchester City youth player who was abused on the Maine Road pitch by Bennell.
Neymar wilting amid expectations and Disneyfied dystopia. Look no further than this from Jonathan Wilson.
Jordan Henderson and James Milner allowed Liverpool’s front three to make Porto squeal, writes Ben Fisher.
Listen to Jeremy Corbyn talk racism in football, Arsenal’s library and 25p Freddos, in this Copa90 film.
Liam Rosenior gives his 2p on Graham Potter, and the importance of putting people first, players second.
Dire football and unforgettable trips to Belarus and beyond. Three Arsenal supporters tell Sachin Nakrani all about following Arsenal in the Europa League.
FA Cup fifth-round fun, futsal finals and Luís Boa Morte shows you his front room on MTV Cribs … it’s this week’s Classic YouTube.
Nigel Adkins is playing the peacemaker as Hull City strive to survive in the Championship and do battle with Chelsea on Friday night. Louise Taylor tells all.