CECH YOURSELF
Petr Cech has always stood high up in The Fiver’s estimation. During the Last Days of Wenger it would be the amiable shot-stopper who invariably fronted up to the media after spineless defeats and demoralising capitulations, trailing acquiescently behind a relieved press officer before he could even retreat to the showers and crack open the Wash & Go. Speaking of shampoo, Joe Hart used to be railroaded into similar confessionals after England humiliations; maybe disarming honesty is just a goalkeeper-ly thing. In which case you take Cech at face value when he says he is not at all happy with the wags behind Bayer Leverkusen’s Social Media Disgrace output.
To recap, Cech had just endured a rather challenging start to Arsenal’s New Era, at times finding the ball – with which he had been instructed to weave pretty patterns from the back – something of a hot potato. The most GIF-able moment came when he almost skewed one such pass into the back of his own net and that was enough for the Bundesliga club’s online gurus to come up with something very hilarious indeed. “We might know a guy,” they chirped, following that tweet with a video of Bernd Leno – who moved from Leverkusen to the Emirates in June – starting a silky back-to-front move, ending in a goal, while of course wearing Leverkusen colours. Leno, a decade Cech’s junior, contented himself with watching Cech toil from the bench on Sunday but it is reasonable to assume he is Arsenal’s No 1-in-waiting. All jolly good fun, then, until the tide of Twitter revelry came to the attention of Cech himself.
“[At Arsenal] we share important values which make us a big club not only on the football side,” he began, setting himself up nicely to punch downwards. “Fair competition, professionalism and sportsmanship are the biggest ones you teach young footballers and it’s sad to see when other clubs don’t share the same values.”
Lesson learned, not least by the cowering Leverkusen keyboard warrior. An “It-was-just-banter” rearguard effort was quickly launched by the German club but by now Cech’s back was well and truly up. He could be seen two hours later advising a spluttering respondent to “Google what professionalism really means”; a particularly arch response to that might be “not engaging with light internet trolling”.
Then again, as the Fiver knows too well, we all have a brand to protect, and we can all get a little bit twitchy when a new, slicker rival rocks up on the scene. Cech has a point that Twitter fun and games can get rather wearing, and that cheap shots are rarely clever, especially even in the Fiver. “We’re doing some self-reflecting now,” Leverkusen’s indefatigable tweeter told another interlocutor after Cech’s broadside. The chances are that Cech will be asked to do the same in front of the cameras after Arsenal’s visit to Chelsea on Sunday; perhaps he and his new cyber-opponent have more in common than they think, after all.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Dear fans, I’ve always preferred to talk on the pitch rather than off it. Therefore these words come harder to me than sliding in on an opponent or making a sprint after 120 minutes. Harder because I know how much happiness all the gatherings, matches and wins bring. Harder, because I know this is the end and there is no coming back from these words: I’m saying goodbye to the Croatian national team” – Mario Mandzukic retires from international football, and with prose like that, is welcome to come and write for Big Website any time he likes.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Yesterday’s ode to El Señor Wayne reminds me of my own favourite Rooney story. In The Man Behind the Goals Coleen reveals exclusively to Gary Lineker that Wazza has been writing her poetry since they both were teenagers, which she keeps in a ring-binder. When asked to share some of Wayne’s poetry, Coleen explains that she promised never to show any of it to the public until after his death. I firmly believe that Wayne Rooney will be discovered posthumously as the greatest voice of his generation” [tell that to Mandzukic – Fiver Ed] – James Langley.
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BITS AND BOBS
In today’s That Went Well news, Tiémoué Bakayoko, signed by Chelsea last summer as a £40m next-big-thing, has joined Milan on a season-long loan, with the option of a permanent move next summer.
Ruben Loftus-Cheek is grimly determined not to be sucked into the all-consuming black hole of Chelsea loanees.
This is not a drill: Bordeaux are in talks to land Sunderland’s Lee Cattermole on a loan deal.
And at the ripe old age of 37, Samuel Eto’o has proven his competitive fire rages strongly as ever by joining Qatar Sports Club.
Ronaldo – the Ronaldo – had been on a hard-earned break in Ibiza when he was admitted to hospital on Friday but thankfully all is well – the Brazilian was discharged today after recovering from “a heavy bout of flu”.
And the FA has launch a bold plan for root-and-branch reform of … itself.
STILL WANT MORE?
Jamie Jackson has five tips for José Mourinho to turn Manchester United into proper Premier League contenders.
Miss the International Champions Cup? You weren’t alone, as Graham Ruthven discusses the surprising number of empty seats at the annual summer pre-season tournament in the US.
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Slavia Prague are in a spot of financial bother with Tim Gosling outlining just one of many chaotic ties between European football and the Chinese economy.
Financial hardship is nothing for Morecambe manager Jim Bentley, who had a cozy chat with Ben Fisher before tonight’s Fizzy Caffeine Pop Tombola ties.
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